Do you hear that?

It’s amazing the amount of thoughts that we are capable of thinking in a moment. Last night my husband had about a million thoughts run through his brain in the span of 2 minutes. 

Last night we went in for a check up. We were feeling very light-hearted and excited about our appointment. Once we stepped into the examination room, we talked about the questions we would ask the doctor and shared a handful of laughs. A moment later one of the aides walks in to take my vitals. Blood pressure: Check. Weight: Check-ish. Then she checked the baby’s heartbeat. I assumed my position and relaxed. She had a contraption in her hand and dumped the lovely cold gel on my stomach and got to work. My husband and I fell silent and heard nothing. She moved the wand over and over again and still, nothing. That was when I looked over at my husband and soaked in his face. Written all across it was fear. The one thing he dreaded the most, no heart beat. His face flushed, he closed his eyes and in his words, ” I prayed. I just said, ‘Please don’t let this be happening. If this is how it’s supposed to happen, please let the doctor confirm the lack of heart beat. Please let us hear it.'”

I looked at him. For what felt like a long while, but was really a split second, I looked at him and soaked up his emotion. I felt the tiniest of panic begin to creep up, but then I heard it. A tiny heart beating inside of me. My husband, still couldn’t make it out.

This visit turned out to be an emotional one. After the heartbeat escapade, we were faced with a few things. First, the great flu shot debate! My doctor was upset when I told him that my attempts at getting a flu shot were shot down. (Pun somewhat intended!) I am fortunate enough to work in a place that provides the shot- free of charge- to its employees. However, I was turned away by the nurse for being in my first trimester. My doctor explained to me that it is my legal right to receive the shot at any point in my pregnancy. He said that not having it done actually does more harm than good. Second, we’ve officially begun our trip down the genetic testing road. We are now praying and patiently awaiting the results. And last but not least, we had a lovely emotional ultrasound.

After doubting whether the heart beat was there or not. My husband got to see the peanut in action via an ultra sound. If it was at all possible to feel the baby kicking at 3 months I swear I would’ve felt it. Not only were we able to get a clear audio print of the heart beat, but we were able to see the baby moving about! I cried. I have to admit it, I couldn’t help but crying out of happiness. Just knowing that in that moment, all was well.

Ahh pregnancy. One of the most amazingly scary chapters in my life.

 

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The peanut at 3 months!

My Dog….

…reminding me daily of what lies ahead. LOL.

Expelling some bile while simultaneously playing fetch. Multitasking at it’s finest. A glimpse of what is to come right? Maybe? Sort of? Kind of??? 

-Peace, Love and Baby Bumps!

Decisions…

While on the night shift at work this past week, I came across an article on Yahoo that stopped me dead in my tracks. Now I must confess, I am guilty of skimming articles. I’ll read the first paragraph and skim the rest, but not with this article. Right off the bat the title made me stop, “It happened to me: I Got Pregnant with an IUD and Ended the Pregnancy to Save My Own Life.” When I saw that title I just knew I had to stop and read it mainly because I found myself thinking a million things based off of that title. The human in me began to question and judge. Then the rest of me said, “Hold up chick. Take a beat. You don’t even know what happened.”

So, I started reading and couldn’t stop. Below are some excerpts that truly stood out to me in this article:

“Mom, I can’t be pregnant! I have an IUD!” I sobbed. “I’m almost 40. My husband is almost 50! There will be a near decade age difference between this child and my firstborn! I just quit my job! I’m going to Hawaii…or Paris…or Spain! I’m going to write a novel! I have plans! We were just about to downsize our car!”

 OK. So. I can’t even imagine being in her shoes. The sheer panic at knowing that a device you have relied on for a while, has failed you in the most epic of ways. At what seems like the wrong time. The feelings that must run through your body when you find out that your birth control has failed. 

When Monday rolled around, I put on a nice dress and curled my hair. This would be the first time I’d see my baby, and I wanted to look pretty. But when the ultrasound tech started probing around for the gestational sac, I could tell from her face that there was something wrong.

She got the doctor. My husband squeezed my hand. I looked away and tried not to cry. They didn’t see the baby on the ultrasound, and according to my HCG levels, they should have.

“Jaci, I am pretty sure you have an ectopic pregnancy,” the doctor said to me after the empty ultrasound. I got off the paper-lined bed to pace around the room, my stupid curls bouncing as I walked. “Your left ovary has enlarged quite a bit since last week, and there is no visible pregnancy in your uterus. You need to get a shot of methotrexate, a type of chemo, to dissolve the pregnancy before your ovary ruptures. This is serious.”

Now assuming that you want and are prepared for a baby, how do you even breathe after getting news like that? And I mean that in general. How do you bear news like that? 

Pregnancy is one of the terrifyingly beautiful things you can experience. In my opinion, of course. When I heard that other heart beating inside of me, I cried. Whenever I have an appointment, I hold my breath. I sit there, wishing, hoping and praying that everything is fine and I know that I am not the only one. I am the fortunate patient in room 1, but what about the others? The patient in room 2 who cannot get pregnant. The one in room 3 who no longer hears a heart beat. The one in room 4, who wants the baby but is in eminent danger if she tries to carry. The list goes on and on.

This article gave me perspective. The truth is that sometimes, pregnancy is a gift that not all are able to recieve.

 Check out the article and let me know what you think: http://yhoo.it/2duaju9

-Peace, Love and Baby Bumps!

What In the World???

These last 8 weeks of my life have been, surreal. It feels as if someone pushed me on stage in front of a packed house and said, “Now sing and dance!” And all I could do was fake tap dance while singing the theme song to The Golden Girls. (Don’t laugh…that show was kick ass.) I suppose I feel that way because well, we weren’t planning on getting pregnant so soon after marriage and then actually getting pregnant was like, whoa! The only thing we were planning on was…umm..I don’t remember, but it definitely wasn’t that! But that’s life for you. I’ve always found that when I am busy planning for other things, God stops me by throwing me a curveball and I get caught looking. I just stand there looking. Gotta love those moments.

BUT!!! It isn’t just a mental/emotional thing. The way my body is physically reacting is also quite crazy to me. At first I was elated b/c I thought I would have a “free pass” to just relax and do as I pleased, you know just like in all of the movies. That bubble quickly burst for me. Within the 1st week of having my pregnancy confirmed, I developed a sinus infection and began my relationship with all day sickness. (I would like to take the time out and say that the doctor or person who stated that the sickness only happens in the “morning”, should be smacked hard, with a chair. Just saying.) I would soon learn that some infections take a long time to heal when you are pregnant and that the nasal congestion was more than likely going to become my pal. (It’s week 10 and the battle continues.) The all day sickness though, that one knocked me out. Man cannot live by bread and gatorade alone, but I did. It was the only thing I could stomach. (Ginger Ale was a great help too.) I’ve never been one of those people who are repulsed by vomiting. Lucky me. However, I can do without the excessive watering of the mouth which was always my queue to exit stage left. The one plus, the one thing that I am ALLLL about: SLEEP!!! I sleep better now than I did before. Granted I can fall asleep anywhere these days, but I still love the fact that I can still sleep soundly through the night. Well sort of, there are the steady pee breaks at 4am. But that’s all practice for when the peanut is born right?

At the end of the day the nausea, the vomiting, the excessive peeing, the cramps which are really the body’s way of  getting ready for the growing baby, the hormones that don’t let me watch a commercial without crying, the tastebuds that once loved a cheeseburger but now find it to be the grossest thing ever, the end of my love affair with an Italian Hoagie and the break up with Goat Cheese, are all trivial when I sit and think about that other heart beating inside of me:

peanut(Babysaurus Rex!)

Peace, Love and Baby Bumps!

Diary of a MamiSaurus Rex!

When you know, you know.

 

Welcome to my world! The world of a Mommy or Mami (Spanish for my lovely heritage) to  be! This is my way of documenting this amazing journey that I have been honored to embark on. I call it an amazing journey b/c well, it’s honestly amazing. It’s amazing to see what the human body is capable of. I say that I am honored by it b/c I know of many women who would love to experience what I am experiencing and can’t. For whatever reason, they just can’t. That being said, the views and opinions written here are just that, views and opinions. These are my views, expressed in whichever manner I deem appropriate. I seek to be as honest as humanly possible in this journey b/c hey, you never know who is reading and feeling the SAME EXACT WAY.

So..let’s begin.

It was a warm and sunny August day, a Thursday to be exact. The birds were chirping and… Who am I kidding here? It was definitely August and definitely a Thursday, when I was sitting at my desk at work and this overwhelming thought/sensation came over me. I’m pregnant, I whispered to myself as I stared blankly at my computer screen. I can’t lie, my spidey senses kicked in and I just knew. I did the math in my head. The only time I have ever been great at math in my entire life and it made sense.

So I took a quick detour to CVS on the way home (totally did not tell my husband about my psychic afternoon), purchased one of those new age fancy digital tests and confirmed. PREGNANT. I sat there. For a good 15 minutes after reading the test, I just sat there. I was in a mixed state of shock/disbelief/happy/unsure/wtf is going on here mode. I didn’t know how to react. I calmly got up, got presentable and walked over to my husband and showed him the test. He too was in shock. So much so, that he asked that I take 2 more tests. LOL. My still being in disbelief I agreed. There we were after about 30 minutes, just staring at each other.

Did I mention we’ve only been married for a month?