Decisions…

While on the night shift at work this past week, I came across an article on Yahoo that stopped me dead in my tracks. Now I must confess, I am guilty of skimming articles. I’ll read the first paragraph and skim the rest, but not with this article. Right off the bat the title made me stop, “It happened to me: I Got Pregnant with an IUD and Ended the Pregnancy to Save My Own Life.” When I saw that title I just knew I had to stop and read it mainly because I found myself thinking a million things based off of that title. The human in me began to question and judge. Then the rest of me said, “Hold up chick. Take a beat. You don’t even know what happened.”

So, I started reading and couldn’t stop. Below are some excerpts that truly stood out to me in this article:

“Mom, I can’t be pregnant! I have an IUD!” I sobbed. “I’m almost 40. My husband is almost 50! There will be a near decade age difference between this child and my firstborn! I just quit my job! I’m going to Hawaii…or Paris…or Spain! I’m going to write a novel! I have plans! We were just about to downsize our car!”

 OK. So. I can’t even imagine being in her shoes. The sheer panic at knowing that a device you have relied on for a while, has failed you in the most epic of ways. At what seems like the wrong time. The feelings that must run through your body when you find out that your birth control has failed. 

When Monday rolled around, I put on a nice dress and curled my hair. This would be the first time I’d see my baby, and I wanted to look pretty. But when the ultrasound tech started probing around for the gestational sac, I could tell from her face that there was something wrong.

She got the doctor. My husband squeezed my hand. I looked away and tried not to cry. They didn’t see the baby on the ultrasound, and according to my HCG levels, they should have.

“Jaci, I am pretty sure you have an ectopic pregnancy,” the doctor said to me after the empty ultrasound. I got off the paper-lined bed to pace around the room, my stupid curls bouncing as I walked. “Your left ovary has enlarged quite a bit since last week, and there is no visible pregnancy in your uterus. You need to get a shot of methotrexate, a type of chemo, to dissolve the pregnancy before your ovary ruptures. This is serious.”

Now assuming that you want and are prepared for a baby, how do you even breathe after getting news like that? And I mean that in general. How do you bear news like that? 

Pregnancy is one of the terrifyingly beautiful things you can experience. In my opinion, of course. When I heard that other heart beating inside of me, I cried. Whenever I have an appointment, I hold my breath. I sit there, wishing, hoping and praying that everything is fine and I know that I am not the only one. I am the fortunate patient in room 1, but what about the others? The patient in room 2 who cannot get pregnant. The one in room 3 who no longer hears a heart beat. The one in room 4, who wants the baby but is in eminent danger if she tries to carry. The list goes on and on.

This article gave me perspective. The truth is that sometimes, pregnancy is a gift that not all are able to recieve.

 Check out the article and let me know what you think: http://yhoo.it/2duaju9

-Peace, Love and Baby Bumps!

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